Tennis season

Last weekend also marked the first weekend of the new U.S. Tennis Association season. This year I am captain of two teams, one at 3.0 (my true level) and one at 3.5 (my target level).

My 3.0 team won its match 4-1, with our only loss being a forfeit because we didn't have enough players. El Capitan was himself absent, skiing in Whitefish.

The 3.5 team lost 0-5, but put up a pretty good fight.

I foresee a season of destiny

Whitefish

My family took the Amtrak from Spokane to Whitefish, Mont., last weekend for a spectacular weekend of skiing at Big Mountain. Amtrak is definitely the way to go, even though the train departs Spokane about 1 am and reaches Whitefish at 7 am. We stayed at the Meadow Lake resort, and enjoyed three days of prime conditions in the Montana Rockies. I forget sometimes that the reason I moved to Spokane in the first place was to be close enough to recreate in my home state of Montana. That's some members of our party at the Tudor-style train station in Whitefish, waiting for the return train.

We went with the Crumpackers, whose kids are the same age as Tom and Eli, which always makes it easier for the adults to have a good time. The kids played cards in the club car on the way back, while I read my book and fell asleep.

The only downside was that Ann picked up a bad cold and was under the weather for much of the trip. You wouldn't know it to look at her smiling face on the pix below, where she appears to be grading my talents as a husband. That's her friend Min on the left. The picture on the right shows reluctant skier Eli taking a turn on the slopes.

Whitefish was the scene a couple of years ago of a legendary scene in my ski career. I was riding up the lift with a guy who introduced himself as former NFL quarterback Bobby Hebert, the Cajun Cannon. We had a nice chat, but when we got off at the top our skis got tangled up and Hebert fell down. As he struggled to get up, the chair hit him in the helmet and knocked him down again. I wanted to say ``That's the way we hit in Montana, Cannon, not like those pansy NFL types.'' But instead I helped him up and skied away.

Slopes of Spokane

Went to Silver Mountain Ski Area outside Kellogg, Idaho, on Sunday and it was the best day of the season so far. Silver Mountain used to be called Jackass Ski Area, which alone makes it worth patronizing. We went with some friends, and the blue ski and good snow lifted everyone's spirits during what has been a long, gray winter. That's Peggy (friend), me, Tom and Eli, friend Saige, and Ann about to go down Silverbelle.

You get to the top of the mountain at Silver via a 20-minute gondola ride from the parking lot. Here I am on the ride down, contemplating fajitas and brew after a long day riding the blues.

Ruled By Women

With Hillary Clinton coming to town to campaign tomorrow, I have had occasion to reflect on how completely ruled by women we are in this part of the world.

Setting aside the whole issue of Mom, I see that women are the authority figures in many aspects of my life.

In Washington state, we have two women as U.S. senators, a female governor, and a congresswoman who represents this area in Washington, D.C. The mayor of Spokane is a woman. My boss is a woman. My wife and I work for the same company, but she is in management and I am not, so she is sort of a boss also.

So what difference would a female president make?

Fortunately, as a Greek male, I am well schooled in the proper place of women in our society. Honey, would you edit this?

Photo at Right: My throne awaits.

Annual performance review

I just received my annual spousal performance appraisal for 2007. There was plenty of room for improvement.

Here are some highlights:

Q- Does the employee introduce useful ideas, concepts and techniques?

A- Only if channel surfing, passing gas and spending money are useful techniques.

Q- Does the employee set proper priorities, manage time effectively and meet goals?

A- The employee is highly effective in avoiding dishes, laundry and general housekeeping. His time is generally spent watching Gonzaga and Washington State basketball, or trying to decide if Number Six on Battlestar Galactica is hotter than Seven of Nine on Star Trek Voyager. He also spends many hours weighing which ``Desperate Housewife'' he would most like ``to do.''

Q-Does the employee choose the most appropriate procedures to follow in situations?

A-Faced with a kitchen full of food, and the need to feed the children, the employee will often head to Subway or Taco Bell in order to avoid making a mess that he will inevitably avoid cleaning up. His solution to normal fiscal limitations is to buy something, anything.

Q-Does the employee perform job duties without constant supervision?

A-The employee likes to initiate ambitious home improvement projects, and then abandon them when half completed. He does not fold or put away laundry, empty the dishwasher or wipe off counter tops. He spends much of his time in the bathroom, where supervision is not physically possible.

Q-Does the employee work well with others and express thoughts clearly?

A-The employee expresses himself very clearly, although it is unclear if any actual ``thoughts'' are involved. He believes that he has a monopoly on using public roadways, refers to other motorists as ``The Roman Emperor Dickheadicus Rex,'' and draws philosophic inspiration from reruns of ``Beavis and Butt-head.''

Q-Does the employee motivate co-workers and subordinates and foster positive morale?

A-At youth sports events, the employee is often heard denigrating the referees as felons. He's been observed hiding in his vehicle to smoke cigars during games. He likes to rent violent zombie videos for family night viewing, and taught his sons the lyrics to ``Baby Got Back'' when they were in grade school.

This. Is. Spokaaaaaaane!

I was just watching the movie ``300'' for the second time last night and it struck me: While many Americans who watch the movie would identify our nation with the tough Spartans who sacrifice everything for freedom, we are actually the Persians. We are the rich, decadent invaders with the massive military and the thirst to convert people to our way of life. That's discouraging, especially since the Spartans have better abs.

Rock On

I've been thinking recently about the crucial place that hard-driving rock and roll songs play in our lives. What is the ultimate party mix tape? Everyone has a different one, but I assume most of yours are lame. Here are my choices for songs that prove you are not a member of the living dead.

1, ``Super Freak,'' by Rick James. This a very special song, the kind you don't bring home to mother. You can substitute MC Hammer's ``Can't Touch This,'' if you must. Either one gets you off the couch.
2, ``My Sharona,'' the Knack, glandular rock at its best. I can also appreciate those souls who prefer the less refined ``Good Girls Don't.''
3, ``Secret Agent Man,'' the old rocker is funny and slightly cool at the same time.
4, ``One Way or Another,'' by Blondie. I stand ready at all times for Debbie Harry to ``getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha'' me.
5, ``Born To Run, the Boss,. a song meant to be screamed at the top of your lungs during the drive down Highway 195 between Spokane and Pullman. Collectors of oddities might prefer the faux-Richard Nixon version, as performed on ``Saturday Night Live.''
6, ``Twist and Shout,'' the Beatles version. Listening to John Lennon's exuberant singing, and the lads' playing, brings tears to your eyes. Baby, we are gonna work it all out.
7, ``Rock and Roll,'' Led Zeppelin, one of the most straight-ahead rock chargers of all time, a mix of guitar, drums and vocals that we should shoot off into deep space to warn any alien cultures that they better not mess with us.
8, ``I Want You to Want Me,'' Cheap Trick. Guitar warrior Rick Neilsen launched a million air-guitar acolytes with his riffs, and the overwrought chorus of fans on the record is a perfect illustration of how rock moves us.
9, ``You Really Got Me,'' Van Halen. Proof that your front man can be a blissful idiot and a genius at the same time.
10, ``Start Me Up,'' Rolling Stones. I saw the Rolling Stones perform in Missoula last year, and they opened the concert, as they do most shows, with this anthem. Enuf said.