New Year's resolutions for 2008

Here's how I will improve myself in the coming year:

1, No longer yell, ``If I drove like you I would kill myself'' at other motorists.

2, No longer try to go entire days speaking only lines from ``Animal House,'' because sometimes it just sounds wierd to say `do you mind if we dance with your dates?'' all the time. I may try an all``Star Wars'' day (`Where are you going with that thing?)''

3, Stopping using my poor immigrant upbringing as an excuse for all blunders, as in: ``I'm sorry I forgot your birthday honey, but the scurvy I developed as a result of my poor immigrant diet causes memory problems in adulthood.'' or ``Yes maam, I did say you have nice hooters, but in my country the word hooters denotes deep respect, as in `that woman with the big hooters must be a Supreme Court justice.'''

For the record, I have no plans to exercise more, lose weight or temper my bad habits.