The Crapple Cup is going to be so execrable this Saturday that only a true diehard would watch. Here's some suggestions on how to better spend your time:
1, Dress your spouse in a tight purple halter and a short crimson skirt and spend the afternoon penalizing her for illegal use of hands.
2, Seek a quantum of solace by attending new James Bond film "Quantum of Solace."
3, Replay tape of WSU's Sept. 20 win over Portland State, the only victory either team has this season.
4, Celebrate WSU basketball team's expected win over Sacramento State so heartily on Friday night that you sleep well into Saturday afternoon.
5, Attend a sing-along showing of "Mamma Mia!" at your local cineplex with your wife and three of her girlfriends, and never worry about football again.
6, Send a letter to President-elect Obama demanding that some of that "change" and "audacity of hope" he promised be spread on the gridirons of the Northwest ASAP.
7, Get a copy of the official report of the testosterone-laden altercation between former WSU Provost Steve Hoch and another administrator that cost Hoch his job. Then wonder why Hoch isn't playing for the Cougs.